are you coming or what?

Of all the friends J and I invited to our wedding, only one person hasn’t sent in her RSVP card yet. Unfortunately, the deadline to RSVP was May 1. We have to assume that she isn’t coming; this person’s ex is going to be at the wedding, and she probably doesn’t want to come for fear of it being uncomfortable for her. Whether I think this is a valid reason is irrelevant. It’s only polite to RSVP.

I should also mention that this person didn’t RSVP for my bridal shower (which she attended) nor my bachelorette party (which is this Saturday night). I suppose it’s possible that she is just SO busy that she can’t spare a minute to check off a box and throw a pre-stamped envelope in the mail or to pick up the phone and dial a local number… Yes, that must be it. I’d rather think that she has no time in her schedule to RSVP than that she just doesn’t care enough to RSVP.

However, it appears that not RSVP-ing has become somewhat of an epidemic in today’s world. Is Evite to blame? Writer Alexandra Jacobs seems to think so. In this article for The New York Times Style Magazine, she writes:

The practice of replying to invitations, let alone actually showing up to parties as promised, has become as antiquated as the chimney sweep, and much messier. We can blame this, like practically everything else bad in the modern world, on the rise of electronic communication. There is the dreaded, inertia-triggering Evite. ‘‘You can see who’s viewed it but not responded,’’ fumed one popular Park Slope hostess — via e-mail, of course. ‘‘Would it kill you to just put ‘Maybe’? Are you waiting to see what better Evites will come along?’’

I suppose that when an invitation is sent in an email, it’s easy to ignore it or to forget to respond, especially if the person’s in-box is overflowing. And Evite invitations offer a “maybe” option, allowing the guest to not have to commit either way. So now when people receive an actual piece of paper inviting them to an event, and there’s no “maybe” box to check off, they must not know what to do — so they don’t do anything. Social etiquette, what? Make a decision — yes or no!

Bottom line: Guests are invited to events for a reason — the host would like them to come — and should be courteous enough to let the host know whether they plan on attending. It’s especially rude to not respond to wedding invitation, and a bride should not have to worry about tracking down an M.I.A. guest two weeks before the big day.

(image source)