guilt + frustration = bad day
A week into J’s deployment, and I suffered through another emotionally exhausting day. I had the opportunity to speak to him on the phone twice today, and both times I cried for the majority of the conversation. I’m just feeling overwhelmed by all of the home improvement projects we are planning — especially by the cost of the work that needs to be done. I’ve also taken on some personal projects that are forcing me to make decisions quickly, something I struggle to do normally but that becomes even more challenging without the direct support of my hubby.
None of things that are causing me stress are necessarily BAD things; on the contrary, they are all positive changes we are making to our house and to our lives. It’s just that I feel like the time, the money and the energy required to complete them all is weighing on me and me alone, and I really wish J were here to share the burden.
I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning because I’ve been in a foul mood all day. I tried to snap myself out of it both times while we were talking over the phone, but I was just in too deep. I know that he understands how hard it is for me to simply “cheer up!” when I’m feeling sad or frustrated, but I still feel guilty for moping during our conversation. There isn’t much he can do to cheer me up from all the way over there and he knows that, which makes listening to me cry that much harder for him.
Ugg, so now I feel guilty on top of already feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. What I need is a good night’s sleep in a freshly made bed and to wake up to a brand new tomorrow.
Thanks for listening.
(image souce)
Twitter: amiatead
says:
gah, i can’t imagine what you are going through with j being gone, but i totally have those days too. you’ll push through it and be stronger for it. xox
Hope tomorrow’s better, PJ
ah, so sorry to hear you’re having a hard time. days like these are no fun, but they pass. hoping tomorrow is better for you.
It’s understandable that you’re so upset hearing J’s voice that you can’t focus on enjoying it. I can only image that other wives of deployed servicemen have and are going through the same thing. Perhaps, checking out if there is a wives’ group on base would help. You’d share similar feelings and maybe feel strength in numbers. It’s worth a try. While you may feel that ALL the decisions rest on your shoulders, it might help to share your pros and cons with friends and family. Let them be your sounding board. As you said, one week is down and only 3 more to go. Hang in there!!!
Hi, Hope you have a better day today! My guy is gone for 2 weeks…also on the other side of the world! I’m been in a foul mood as well so I totally hear you. All I want to do is sit on the couch, watch TV and eat tater tots…you should try it
If you are in the mood to talk, give me a call.
I hope today is better! We’re all allowed to have those days – it sucks to be alone and then it especially sucks to be the one that has to deal with everything that’s going on in the life you have together (even though it’s just you dealing with it). At least we have craft night to look forward to next week! Yay!