Goal: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway*

I realize that my final post in this week’s series is more of a mantra than a goal, but I think it’s relevant. There are so many goals, big and small, that I’m unable to achieve because fear holds me back. Somehow I think I suffer from both a fear of failure and a fear of success. I worry what other people think and that I’m being judged. And now you know all of my weakness.

Sometimes I sit back and wonder how my life would be different if I wasn’t so afraid. It would be easier and more fulfilling, no doubt. I would take more risks and be open to more experiences (I still wouldn’t bungee jump. I’d be brave, not reckless.)

I should give myself credit for the gutsy things I’ve done. I moved to Omaha to start a new life and quit a well-paying job to pursue a dream (a work-in-progress move, I’ll admit). Still, the list of things I’ve been afraid to do outnumber the amount of things I’ve actually accomplished. In the coming years I’d like to shift the balance of that list. Recalling an expression I think I’ve heard my mother-in-law use, I need to “put on my big girl panties**,” so to speak, do the things that scare me.

What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

* Full disclosure: I own this book. Never one to shy away from self-help books – hey, who doesn’t want to improve themselves somehow? – I bought this book at someone’s recommendation. Perhaps if I actually read the whole thing I wouldn’t have had the need to write this post.

** I do not own this book.

Next week’s “15 to 30″ posts will feature the things that currently inspire me.

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Goal: Perfect a Three Course Meal

Rumor has it that “PJ can’t cook” because I frequently let my husband, who truly enjoys cooking, wear the apron in our family, so to speak. For the record, I can cook. In fact, I prepared a lovely lemon pepper chicken dish for me and J just the other night. I can also bake – and not just Funfetti cakes. I made delicious cheesecake Oreo “cookie-hybrids” over the weekend and was runner-up in our Oscar party cookie bake-off.

The truer statement would be “PJ doesn’t like to cook.” Unlike the contestants on “Top Chef,” I don’t get pleasure from combining unique flavors. Measuring a multitude of ingredients is a chore, and cleaning my inevitable mess is the pits. So, if I can avoid cooking, I do. But I can cook. So there.

One thing I do enjoy, however, is entertaining. I love throwing dinner parties, although I’ll admit that J is usually the “man behind the meal” when we have company. I don’t necessarily think that the woman’s place is in the kitchen, but we were at a cocktail party over the weekend hosted by friends, and the hostess was slicing and dicing ingredients for mini homemade pizzas while wearing heels and a BCBG dress. She made wielding a knife somehow glamorous. It was impressive.

I would love to be able to throw together a simple dinner for friends all on my own. Even better would be having the ability to host a meal at a moment’s notice. I would need just four fail-proof recipes up my sleeve – an appetizer, main course, side dish and dessert. Ideally, these would be simple yet delicious dishes that have the appearance of being more complex than they really are, and with minimal effort I would be able to perfect them. Eventually, I want to become the hostess with the mostess.

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My Past Accomplishment: Getting Paid to Write

Back in 2008, after quitting my full-time job, I began toying with the idea of opening a boutique, as owning my own business had always been one of my aspirations. Plus, I thought I could bring to Omaha something it was lacking. However, I knew I didn’t quite have the funds or the experience to be a store owner, so I began exploring additional ways to make a couple bucks. Freelance writing came to mind, and I came across a job posting on mediabistro.com looking for bloggers for a “saucy new women’s site.” (Actually, one of my friends might have sent it to me. Was it you, Lindsey?)

Having enjoyed writing my little blog for more than a year, I was excited at the opportunity to contribute to a national site. I used to dream of being a writer. When I entered Boston University as an eager freshman, I told my advisor I hoped to move to New York City after graduation and become an editor at a women’s or entertainment magazine. She quickly burst my bubble, informing me that I’d be a poor, struggling writer for a long time before I’d ever become a successful editor. I should mention that when we met, she had no idea who I was or whether I could even write. She was a published author who I suspected didn’t want anyone to reach the level of success that she had acquired. But I digress.

Encouraged by my closest friends, I decided to apply for the blogging position. I submitted a personal writing sample, brimming with my usual sarcasm, and I waited for a response. Eventually I received this email from the editor:

I loved your sample entry, and have been sitting here poring over what I want you to blog about for us: being a newlywed, being a city transplant to Omaha, being a military wife, starting a business, quitting your job… until I realized that all I need to know is that you should blog for us. About your life, if you’d be willing, and each week you could tell some story about any one of those aspects… I’d love it if you did one a week to start and then, if other topics piqued your interest, you could cover them now and then.

I got the gig! I couldn’t believe that I was going to a paid writer. Granted, I wouldn’t be making much, but I didn’t care so much about the money. It was the recognition that, yes, I have something interesting to say and people want to hear it. Still, receiving my first paycheck was such an amazing feeling. I got paid for doing something I loved. I was so proud of my accomplishment that I hung the check on the refrigerator for several weeks – until, of course, I realized I needed the money and deposited it.

Two years later I no longer contribute to the site, but it was still such a defining moment in my professional life.

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