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i can’t come to the phone right now

blue telephone

I feel so incredibly guilty when my husband, who is currently deployed, calls at inopportune times.

A couple of weeks ago, I was distracted by Rilo Kiley blasting through the speakers at Urban Outfitters and had to move outside to hear him… although the music was still plenty audible, making it difficult to converse. Another night I was elbow-deep in preparing dinner, at a point in my recipe when timing was key, and I couldn’t step away from the stove. My frustration was evident to him, I’m sure, but I had my grandmother at my side, my dog at my feet and my mother across the room, and I was overwhelmed.

This morning I was literally walking out the door when J called, wanting to Skype. I should have eagerly ran back to my computer, but I panicked that I was going to be late for work. Ultimately I decided to drop my keys and get online. I got to say a quick hello and shed a few tears before hopping in the car and speeding down to the Old Market.

I know that I’m extremely lucky that J is in a position where he can call a couple of times a week, even if he can only stay on the phone for a minute or two. I’m sure there are thousands of military wives who go weeks or months without hearing from their husbands, so I know I should drop everything to talk to him when I have the chance.

Am I a bad (military) wife because sometimes I can’t?

(image source)

PJ 19 July 2010 military wife, musings , 2 Comments

emotional exhaustion

I didn’t realize how emotionally exhausted I was yesterday until about an hour before I was supposed to meet friends to see Sunshine Cleaning. Being so tired, I decided it was best to reschedule our plans for another night. I’m glad I did because thetiniestspark told me via Twitter that while the movie was great, it was very emotional — and I probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to get through an emotional film yesterday.

For the most part, the day felt completely normal. As usual, I sat on the couch in the living room with my laptop, the TV set to NBC and the dog lounging at the front door. It wasn’t until late afternoon that I started feeling anxious for my husband. Realizing that we wouldn’t be making dinner and watching Dancing with the Stars: The Results together created a pit of sadness in my stomach. Then I worried, “What on Earth am I going to make myself for dinner? Cereal?”

J, hurry home. My diet {and my heart} suffers when you’re not here.

(image source)

PJ 8 April 2009 being domestic, extracurricular activities, military wife , 3 Comments

another deployment, another goodbye

I just returned home from dropping J off at base. Within the hour he’ll be heading out on his next deployment. Even though he’ll only be gone for 30 days, knowing that didn’t make saying goodbye any easier. The experience felt exactly the same as it did the last two times he deployed, when he was away for 60+ days each.

I know this deployment will be different, though. Not only will we be apart for a shorter amount of time, but it’s Spring in Omaha! It was Winter when he was last gone, and the cold days and dark afternoons made me feel even more lonely. The weather definitely kept me in the house. I know that the change in season will have a postive effect on my mood.

Also, I’m now working part time at Trocadero in the Old Market. During his last deployment I spent nearly every day home alone attempting to be a freelance writer. I was a hermit. This time, though, I’ll be surrounded by extremely fun, social people a couple of days a week with whom I’ll be able to grab a drink or dinner after work.

The key, I’ve learned, is to keep busy. To fill my calendar with events to look forward to attending, including trips to the movies, afternoons at the dog park, training appointments at the gym and dinner dates with friends. I also imagine I’ll be posting more frequently as I’ll have more time on my hands. Lucky you!

Sadly, I also had to say au revoir to my (well, technically “our”) Canon Rebel XTi. I let J take it with him because he’ll be in a place where he can probably do some sightseeing. I’ve gotten used to practicing my photography every day and proudly posting my pictures on the blog. I still have my point-and-shoot Sony, so the blog won’t be totaly absent of personal photography, but it won’t be the same — for me, that is.

For those of you who have offered words of support on Twitter or in person, thank you again. I honestly will not get through this next month without you.

And for those of you whose loved ones are on longer deployments, please know that my thoughts are with you.

(image source)

PJ 7 April 2009 being domestic, military wife 7 Comments

the return of J

If plans don’t change, J is scheduled to return home from his deployment in just under a week. I’ve been thinking about what I can do to celebrate his homecoming. Last time we were living in an apartment, so I taped a handmade “Welcome Home!” poster to the outside of our front door and had a big balloon waiting for him inside. What should I now that we’re in a house?

(image source)

PJ 13 February 2009 military wife 1 Comment

welcome home sexy

My sweetheart is coming home this afternoon! Yay! 

(image via flickr)

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PJ 19 August 2008 military wife No Comments